Being Hungry

Sitting here and claiming my healing from a stomach virus, I wonder why everything I try to eat or drink wants to immediately leave my body. What’s amazing is that no matter how much leaves my body, I still crave foods like chocolate, pancakes, and other sweets. It’s simply because I’m hungry and craving what’s not good for me right now. My body is purging what it does not want, and hopefully is retaining some of the nutrients it needs from the clear broth, dry toast and lots of water and decaffeinated teas I’ve been forcing. (Yum!) Still, I’m wanting those not so healthy things, but I can barely keep the good things down.
I wonder if my walk with God is similar with the spiritual food I receive. Does my soul purge the wrong things I’m fed from the world over the good things of God so I grow healthier in Him? Or does my soul have the potential to have a virus as well? Does the “food” that I received from God have the potential to leave my heart and my soul wanting more nutrients than I have been putting in?
Lately, I’ve been finding myself increasingly hungry for His Word. I find myself constantly looking for words or works that I can apply to my life’s challenges and to the pursuit of my dreams. It’s like standing in front of the refrigerator wondering what I can eat that will not adversely affect my present situation and yet will be satisfying to my cravings. I’ve been turning away virtually everything in the fridge and turning to the cabinets to see what’s in there, looking for what can satisfy my cravings. And spiritually, I find myself trying to make sense of why the deepest desires of my heart have not been realized. We have been taught that, “God has a plan for us” and “We know not what each day will bring”. But they bring further questions instead of answers for me.
At doctor’s office, I was told that I had become so dehydrated that if it continued, it could cause kidney failure and other things that I choose not to claim. What I choose to claim is the realization of my dreams, such as being married, having children, and a job that I really would enjoy for the rest of my life. But above all those things and more importantly, I have the desire of having a walk with God that cannot be shaken.
God says that all I have to do is to knock, ask, and seek Him with all my heart. But He also says that there is more that I need to do to make sure that I have my desires. In the same way that the doctor said that this virus has attacked my body and I must be mindful of what I eat and drink, in the spirit, I must also watch my spiritual diet. I need the right nourishment for my heart and soul, which means that His Word must be the foundation of everything I do. Feeding my heart and soul with the right diet has become a commitment to me. But sometimes the negative things I have consumed in an attempt to satisfy the flesh cause a “virus” to infect my spirit and distract me from my walk with God. The realization becomes clear when I step outside myself and see that bratty, starved child that wants it all now, wanting to know why the things I so desire have not come to pass rears her ugly head. I have to ask God for His forgiveness and to purge the “virus” that has infected my heart and soul. By I need to get back into His Word and listen to the leading of the Spirit. Digesting it and using it as the fuel for my walk with Him helps me make sense of what the purpose is for my life. In so many ways this leads me to understand why I’m constantly hungry. I think to be full is not an option. I can never be too full. This kind of hunger is healthy and God imposed. I want to always be so hungry for His Word. The other kind of hungry, you know for the sweets, and those things that are not good for me, no matter how good they taste and satisfy a craving... not so much.